Thank you to everyone who has read my blog and tried to help or give me advice, I appreciate it, I really do, please dont take this as sign of disrespect or not listening, but I've decided (yes me, I made the choice, and yes Im aware I could choose another path, but I honestly feel Im not strong enough anymore), so Ive decided that I just cant do it anymore, so this is goodbye.
I am not strong, but weak. I've realised that this is who I am, and I cant change. I have hurt myself and to many other people, and I cant do it anymore. Its not fair on them, or on me. So I just cant do this anymore, its to hard and I dont see any other way.
I am sorry. But at least this way there will be no more pain, and I wont hurt anymore. I am truly sorry to you all, everyone I have hurt, or yelled at, or judged, or everything else. I didnt mean to and I did want to change. But I cant.
I just cant. Ive tried and failed. Ive failed at everything, and this is just one more thing I have once again failed at. I have failed all my friends, and myself. And we all know, that your lives would be better off without me.
I am just so sorry for putting you through my shit, and for not learning and for not changing.
I am what I am. Created this way or turned into this... This is who I am.
I am evil. I am a bitch. I am crazy and judgemental. I am unworthy and a failure. I am horrible and pathetic. I am a bad person. I am broken and twisted, I am torn and incomplete. I am dead inside.
But I am me.
Even if I fail at being me, this is who I am, this is who I was.
But no more. I will no longer be there to put any of you through any of it again. I am sorry. I regret so much, even though I cant change it, and I cant even make it right, or change for the future (IVE TRIED AND FAILED, yes uve given me advice, some of u, but Ive tried... I really have, even though some think I havent, I have, ive just failed and failed and failed). So no more.
I cant take it anymore.
I know, I was really hoping for a happy end to this blog, and maybe for some of you, this is it. But not for me. This is not how I wanted it to end. I really wanted to leave an impact, to help people, to save people, but I cant, Im sorry.
Sadly there is no happy ending, not this time. Because the world is better off without me. I dont bring anything good to this world, only saddness and destruction. I am like poison. I dont have a good bone in my body, they have vanished, dissolved, or were never there and I was just fooling myself into thinking I was an ok person who had just been hurt.
I dont even believe that now. I just cant do it anymore, just always hurting, always crying, always pain, always failing. Its not right, and yes people have survived worse, but I am weak. I used to say I was strong for getting through my life, and managing, wow I fooled myself on so many things.
I may edit this soon, if I can, but right now I just need sleep or something. I need a plan, I need....
I just need...
So goodbye.
I am very sorry to everyone, esp to those of you dear to me, who I once thought I was dear to you as well, I was wrong. Im not dear to anyone. Im not good enuf for anyone.
No one loves me, no one cares for me, and its my fault. I did it to myself.
I am sorry for failing you.
4 comments for this post
First!!! BTW, stop being a quitter.
sanz.. where are u. im worried about you. please reply to me either on sl or twitter or skype...
What the fuck is this and why does anyone read this shit?
Advice: Kill yourself and quit being an emo bitch. The world wont miss you anyway and we certainly dont give a fuck about your problems.