Life is a funny thing, you think you have things figured out, when you dont.  You think you have things fixed, and then they break.

But I guess until you test something you never really know if its going to work.  Its the same with trust, you work at it, and think "yup... done... Ive got it.  I'm healed" and then you find someone, you meet the man of your dreams, he seems so perfect... and your SO happy"... and then its like this little switch get flicked in your head and then BAM!!! Your right back where you started.

I havent figured it out yet, Ive tried and got it wrong. Tried again and got it wrong again. Thought I got it, then realised I hadnt.  But ya know, Edison failed time and time again at inventing the light bulb... some say it took over 3000 attempts, some say 10,000.  But it doesnt really matter, 500 attempts, 1000 attempts... how many of us would have given up long before then.

So I may not have it all figured out yet, I may not be perfect, I may not have the trust thing down packed and I still worry BUT Im not giving up, and I WILL figure it out.  One day I will hold the light bulb in my hands and say "I DID IT! I've made it!"  And all the heartache and trouble will have been worth it.

And right now, I am writing this.. thinking of one guy.  One man who has made me smile and made my heart sing.   We have had our ups and downs, he has seen my jealous side, the side that pushes guys I care for away, the side that is my insanity, the side where I dont trust...
I just hope he has also seen my love and my heart and my soul....
The me, where the issues do not live.
He deserves THAT me...

So as I hold my broken light bulb in my hands, and I look at it and my life, I once again, go to replace the broken light bulb with a new one, a fixed one, in hope that this one will survive, that this one will last and will be complete.