Heres the thing… i’ve literally had a life of hell. Who knows maybe one day I’ll crack and share more about my past and why I am so demented (other then my engagment been called off cos im not thin enuf). But for now… trust…
I TRUST NO ONE!!!
It is that simple, I freak out about everything. If im with a guy, I find it hard to trust him with a women. And not necessarily cos I dont trust him, but I dont trust her!
Cos well, yes men r dogs – they lie and cheat and follow their dicks!
But they r not totally at fault, women flaunt themselves and flirt and wear skimpy outfits and try to sway taken men from their partners, and yea it sickens me!
Why cant women just be ok with who they have, or finding a guy that isnt with a girl! I know we r insecure, and want to feel wanted and needed so we wear as little as possible to show our bodies so men desire us…
SEE… the very reason I dont trust women.
Its a damn VICIOUS cycle and I dont know how to escape it!
How do you learn to trust? as children we do so naturally, and I did. I used to trust everyone!!!
Now I dont trust no one till they earn it, but I am constantly watching them, looking out for them to break it. Its insane.
And even writing them I am like getting tears, cos I know its screwed up and a mess. But I cant help it. Its like some disease, that wen Im wit someone its comes up and attacks and I have no weapons to fight it!
Seriously… ANYONE in the cyber world… HOW???
HOW DO YOU LEARN TO TRUST OVA AGAIN???
When everyone you’ve ever been close to has left u? or hurt u? ur lied to u? or abused u? or cheated on u? …
when everyone u have ever trusted and given yourself to, has betrayed u and left u broken!!!
How do u get back up from a lifetime of ruin? Or in my case…. im 27… so 12 years… of hating myself, and not trusting fully, or trying but been spat one everytime…
I am at a loss… I am in this cycle, and have been since I was 15… and I havent been able to get out, and I still cant.
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I find your portrayal of both men and women disturbing, a sort of sitcom description with very little substance most men and women in happy relationships do trust one and other and would happily never stray.
Men are not brainless zombies that want only to find pleasure, yes some do but a majority are loving fathers and partners that want only to love and please their partner, the others have fatal flaws that range from them no longer loving their partner or are searching for some thing else. People can grow apart, its not right to cheat its better to be honest.
Cant women dress as they wish for themselves to make themselves feel pretty rather than trying to drag a taken man away? Male rapists use the way women dress as you highlighted all the time as a reason.. and its not right, people should have a right to dress how they wish with out being judged. If anything its society that pushes girls/women into wearing less and less clothes such as magazines making them believe they are seen as more beautiful. Most women dress for themselves to make themselves feel good.
How can you expect people to like and trust you when you are in your words “constantly watching them, looking out for them to break it” if your doing that then you obviously don’t trust them to start with, you just believed you did and you must be very insecure. If you don’t learn to trust again then why should any one trust you?
“When everyone you’ve ever been close to has left u? or hurt u? ur lied to u? or abused u? or cheated on u?”
I would ask did you expect these people to fail too? Did you demonstrate the insecurities that you have highlighted in this post? If so you might have pushed these people into a situation were they had no other choice than to fail you expectations.
The only way for you to move forward would be to lose these insecurities you have highlighted, say sorry to those you say you have lost and tell them you are trying to change your behaviour and would value their help in making you stronger.