Friends...

I used to have so many friends and even used to be such a social creature, but things happened... over time people moved away, others just grew apart... but anyway now I wonder where my friends even are.  Not the ones I had as kid but now.  I mean I am alone.  Even when amongst people, I feel so alone.

I am generally a nice person, especially on the surface, I hide alot, cover alot. 

But I wonder...

When you finally meet people that you trust enough to share your life with, even someone you feel you can be open with and actually share your problems and your hurts with... Someone you can rely on... its an amazing thing. Something to be cherished. 
But what truly is a friend?
According to the dictionary a friend is:
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with

And yes there are prolly many other things a friend can be.  A friend is someone who is there for you and supports you no matter how bad things get, cos they are your friend and they understand you or try to, and if they dont, they are your friend, so like family, they put up with you even when its hard and your been unreasonable.

Sometimes friendship is hard, sometimes it means giving up what you want, sometimes it means going against everything you know to help the other person.  Its helping to lift them back up... sometimes friendship means doing anything you can to save them.

I mean, everyone tells you in crisis to be with your friends, to be around those who care for you and love you.  Everyone says you need your friends...
But what happens when your friends leave you?
When your friends dont stick by?


When the things your struggling with cause you to be unreasonable?
Cause you to be irrational?
Cause you to do and say stupid things?

And so your friends leave...
So now not only are you alone, you are alone with your struggles and your hurt and your pain.  You are alone with no shoulder to cry on.  No one to run to, no one to talk to, no one to listen, no one care...
At the very time you need them to be there...

I guess Im not worth saving or worth doing everything you can for.
I guess Im just not a very good friend... therefore no one I thought was my friend really was.

I guess I will always just remain alone...