Thank you to everyone who has read my blog and tried to help or give me advice, I appreciate it, I really do, please dont take this as sign of disrespect or not listening, but I've decided (yes me, I made the choice, and yes Im aware I could choose another path, but I honestly feel Im not strong enough anymore), so Ive decided that I just cant do it anymore, so this is goodbye.

I am not strong, but weak.  I've realised that this is who I am, and I cant change.  I have hurt myself and to many other people, and I cant do it anymore.  Its not fair on them, or on me.  So I just cant do this anymore, its to hard and I dont see any other way.

I am sorry.  But at least this way there will be no more pain, and I wont hurt anymore.  I am truly sorry to you all, everyone I have hurt, or yelled at, or judged, or everything else.  I didnt mean to and I did want to change.  But I cant.
I just cant.  Ive tried and failed.  Ive failed at everything, and this is just one more thing I have once again failed at.  I have failed all my friends, and myself.  And we all know, that your lives would be better off without me. 
I am just so sorry for putting you through my shit, and for not learning and for not changing.

I am what I am.  Created this way or turned into this... This is who I am.
I am evil. I am a bitch.  I am crazy and judgemental.  I am unworthy and a failure.  I am horrible and pathetic.  I am a bad person.  I am broken and twisted, I am torn and incomplete.  I am dead inside.
But I am me.
Even if I fail at being me, this is who I am, this is who I was.
But no more.  I will no longer be there to put any of you through any of it again.  I am sorry.  I regret so much, even though I cant change it, and I cant even make it right, or change for the future (IVE TRIED AND FAILED, yes uve given me advice, some of u, but Ive tried... I really have, even though some think I havent, I have, ive just failed and failed and failed).  So no more.
I cant take it anymore.

I know, I was really hoping for a happy end to this blog, and maybe for some of you, this is it.  But not for me.  This is not how I wanted it to end.  I really wanted to leave an impact, to help people, to save people, but I cant, Im sorry.

Sadly there is no happy ending, not this time. Because the world is better off without me.  I dont bring anything good to this world, only saddness and destruction.  I am like poison.  I dont have a good bone in my body, they have vanished, dissolved, or were never there and I was just fooling myself into thinking I was an ok person who had just been hurt.
I dont even believe that now.  I just cant do it anymore, just always hurting, always crying, always pain, always failing.  Its not right, and yes people have survived worse, but I am weak.  I used to say I was strong for getting through my life, and managing, wow I fooled myself on so many things.

I may edit this soon, if I can, but right now I just need sleep or something.  I need a plan, I need....
I just need...

So goodbye.
I am very sorry to everyone, esp to those of you dear to me, who I once thought I was dear to you as well, I was wrong.  Im not dear to anyone.  Im not good enuf for anyone. 
No one loves me, no one cares for me, and its my fault.  I did it to myself.
I am sorry for failing you.